Bringing up a Coconut

I’m told, by the many baby apps that I’ve downloaded, that my son is currently the size of a Coconut, a Bunch of Asparagus, a Kale or a Leek. I don’t think I ever imagined that I would be comparing my unborn son to a load of fruit and vegetables.

But there is a lot about this baby stuff that I don’t think I ever imagined. At 31 weeks the little man, that I will soon be changing nappies for, cleaning up sick and pushing around in a pram, currently represents a much slimmer version of ‘Boofle’, a plush cuddly toy that has become a tradition in the present givings each Christmas and Birthday for my wife. Our biggest Boofle stands at around 46cm in height and although a little fat, with a rather enlarged head, currently provides me with the best example of a baby sized thing that can sit in our living room and look cute.


Although my wife is glad that this won’t be what she has to give birth to, I’m starting to think it is a much better representation than the menagerie of foods that have so far been offered up as a bearing for the size of our son.

Baby apps though, have been very useful to me. As an amateur to the world of parenting I have no clue what I’m doing and I don’t even have a child yet! My baby apps tell me everything that I need to know about our baby throughout the pregnancy, things such as:

  • what he looks like, what he’s doing and how he’s growing.
  • what to buy, when to buy it and where to buy it
  • what to pack for hospital, what car seat to buy and even how to drive my car
  • even to eat, to sleep and to drink water

However I can’t help thinking that soon there will be no app to tell me what to do. When the baby is crying in the middle of the night and neither I nor my wife know what to do, when I don’t know if the colour of his skin is ok or whether the vomit that he just threw up is really vomit or whether it’s his entire entrails coming out bit by bit – there is no app for Dads with infantile hypochondria.

I guess that is why it will be an adventure and although I don’t have the slightest clue what to do I’m pretty sure it will be great!


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